I Can't Write Without The Internet

The Grammys and the BAFTAs both happened this week/last week, depending on which part of the world you're in. Eddie Redmayne won something, Kanye West made a fuss, just usual things. I couldn't care less, to be honest. I was more concerned about the fact that Sophie Hunter's dress didn't seem to have any pockets for her to put her free hand into (Seriously, if you search Google Images for 'Sophie Hunter BAFTAs' you just get a bunch of pictures in which her right hand is dangling uselessly by her side.) than about who was winning what.

I've been busy with exams (Which is apparently a good enough excuse for me to completely neglect my blog, but not a good enough reason to stop watching Downton Abbey.) so I haven't had time to write a post that isn't just a string of random words. Please excuse me.

At the end of last year, I wrote a short blog post about the life of Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick. I knew that I had to write it about a month before it was actually to be published, but, as is usual with me, I only started to write it half a day before it was due, by which time the editors were breathing down my neck and there was really no room for error.

Just one glitch - my Internet wouldn't work. I reset my computer. I reset my modem. I yelled at my modem. I yelled at my service provider (they couldn't hear me). I yelled at everything that wouldn't feel upset that I was yelling at it. It was all to no avail.
So I just typed out a string of gibberish. That is literally what I did; Sat in front of a screen and typed out words from the top of my head. Thankfully, my Internet was working the next morning, and I typed out something halfway decent about The Kingmaker, or else I would have just handed in that nonsense.

But I didn't delete my senseless ramblings, for some reason, and so here they are today, passed off as a blog post, for you to read and make what you will about my competence as a writer. Have fun!

~

What do we know about Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick? Probably nothing.

Battle of Towtown, Battle of Barnet, Battle of Tewkesbury, Battle of Bosworth, Battle of Agincourt, Battle of Whatsits.

I can’t write without the Internet.

I wonder what Plantagenet Somerset Fry has to say about the kingmaker. Let’s see.

I wonder – will it be under Edward IV or Richard III? Or Henry VI? Definitely not under Edward V. I should check the index.

 Checked. I was right on all counts. There is a mention of Warwick in the section about Henry VI and the Wars of the Roses, Edward IV, Richard III and also in the introduction to the House of York.

I don’t know anything about the Earl of Warwick, but I can name all the children of Edward IV and Elizabeth Woodville. In order of age, they are:

Elizabeth

Mary

Cecily

Edward

Margaret

Richard

Anne

George

Catherine

Bridget

Is that ten? Yep.

Fie upon Elizabeth Woodville.

Why was Warwick called the Kingmaker? He only made one King. And restored one King. Technically, that’s not making a King. His daughter married a King, though. He was a Queen maker.

Richard Plantagenet’s sons were such narcissists. All their boys were either called Edward or Richard or George. 

Edward, Richard, George. 

Edward, Richard. 

Edward. 

Did no one think to name a child after their poor dead brother who had died fighting for the York cause? NO. Because the three sons of York are too important to think about anyone but themselves.

Henry VII had a son called Edmund. He died. Edmund, not Henry. Well, Henry died too. All of them are dead. It's been half a millennium.

Kingmaker, kingmaker. Something something Wars of the Roses.

~

Now, I'm not an expert on Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick, but I do know a fair bit about The Kingmaker - enough to write a couple of paragraphs at the very least - and so it's strange that I couldn't muster a simple sentence like "After his death, the Earl of Warwick's younger daughter Anne married King Edward's brother, Richard, Duke of Gloucester" or something. 

As much as I like to assure myself otherwise, I'm handicapped without the Internet. Either that, or I was just very sleep-deprived when I sat down to write that piece. 

Oh, well. Something something Wars of the Roses.

N