Alternatively titled 'I Am A Terrible Writer Who Doesn't Get To The Point'
Today's post is about the disappointment that comes with the realisation that you are not the best at the things you do. I've always known that, but the fact really hit home after the I got the results of the exams that I had been giving back in March on Friday. Everything I write will be based only on my own experiences with failure and disappointment, so if you have anything you'd like to say on the matter, leave a comment for me to read.
Now, for those of you unfamiliar with how the education system in India works, I'm going to explain it as best I can. After they finish the tenth grade, students sit down to a set of exams that are meant to test their intelligence and capacity to learn, but that really test how much information a person can mindlessly reproduce on paper. These exams are commonly known as the 'Boards' for the inept reason that they are set by a board of people. They are usually held in March and, if everything goes without a hitch, the results come out around the middle of May.
Once everyone gets their results and finishes gloating about it on Facebook, they start applying to colleges. Every college has a certain standard, or 'cut-off', which you must meet in order to get in. After you get into a college, you mooch around there for two years, before giving another set of Boards, and starting the whole process again.
And some people take this very seriously. They set their sights on one college, and then proceed to spend every waking hour for the couple of years leading up to their Boards working towards getting enough marks to meet it's cut-off. I'll admit that I set my sights on a college too, but in the year before my Board exams, I did the following:
1) Bought an iPad
2) Read the Hunger Games.
3) Became a part of the fandom.
4) Was introduced to a number of YouTubers, such as Charlie McDonnell and Dan Howell
5) Became a Nerdfighter
6) Started a blog
I did a few other things as well, but this was what mostly filled my days. I'd study in between watching Alex read Twilight and playing Gardens of Time for the iPad, and for that reason it surprised me that I was surprised when I had to guess my way through large parts of the exams. A lot of people will dispute this fact, but what do they know? I did wing it, especially through History. And Shakespeare. And Physics. (Now that I think about it, I don't know how I passed these exams)
So, I spent the month between the last exam and Friday worrying. I'd have nightmares in which I'd be unable to finish writing the answers, or in which I'd not know the answers, and even though I knew that that couldn't happen any more, they bothered me. Then I began to devise worst case scenarios in my head - what I'd do if I failed, how I'd cope with having to go to a lousy college. But I'm beating around the bush, here.
When the results came out, the first number I looked at was mine. And, by some miracle, I'd made the cut-off. And I was chuffed. Until I looked at everyone else's numbers. And saw that they'd all done better than me.
For a while after that, I wondered why I was so disappointed. I'd set myself a target, and, despite all the procrastinating that I did, I reached it. And then I realised what it was.
Like any normal, competitive human being, I was not content with just being good at what I did. I wanted to be the best. I gave up on the idea once I came to terms with the fact that I never could be the best. No one could. It's impossible. With nearly 7 billion people on the planet, it would be an impossible task to track everyone down and prove that they're not as good as you, thereby making you the best. Unless you are Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged. Then it might be possible. But then you'd have the entire universe to contend with. So, no. It's impossible.
But just because you can't be the best shouldn't stop you from trying your best, and being good at the things you do. Also, not being the best is no reason to stop telling people that you are. I did, less than two hours after finding out that I had been beaten by a third of my class. I'm not proud of it.
On a side note, look at what my friend gave me for my birthday. Isn't it the greatest!?
For a while after that, I wondered why I was so disappointed. I'd set myself a target, and, despite all the procrastinating that I did, I reached it. And then I realised what it was.
Like any normal, competitive human being, I was not content with just being good at what I did. I wanted to be the best. I gave up on the idea once I came to terms with the fact that I never could be the best. No one could. It's impossible. With nearly 7 billion people on the planet, it would be an impossible task to track everyone down and prove that they're not as good as you, thereby making you the best. Unless you are Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged. Then it might be possible. But then you'd have the entire universe to contend with. So, no. It's impossible.
But just because you can't be the best shouldn't stop you from trying your best, and being good at the things you do. Also, not being the best is no reason to stop telling people that you are. I did, less than two hours after finding out that I had been beaten by a third of my class. I'm not proud of it.
On a side note, look at what my friend gave me for my birthday. Isn't it the greatest!?
N
No comments:
Post a Comment